Nature of listening
When listening is mentioned, we think primarily of the act of sensing sounds. In human communication, of course, the sounds are mainly spoken words.How well we sense the words around us is determined by 2 factors. One factor is our ability to sense sounds – how well our ears can pick them up. The other factor is our attentiveness to listening. Most specifically, this is our mental concentration – our will to listen.
Barriers to effective listening
We do not receive specific training in listening and do not fully realize the significance of the act of listening; when someone is distracted we tend to say, “Will you stop talking….” when we ought to say, “Will you please listen…..” There are many reasons why people’s abilities to listen are not as good as it should be. Some persons are self – centered and want others to listen to them but are not willing to listen to what others have to say while others listen selectively and listen only to what interests them.
Some of the barriers to effective listening are:
Distraction in one’s own mind
This is a great barrier to listening and must be firmly checked. If we allow our mind to go on a joyride, there’ll be more listening. It takes a great deal of self control and discipline to stay tuned to another person. However, if our mind is occupied by personal anxiety or worry, it is better to postpone or delegate the listening responsibility for the time being.
Wandering attention
It arises from the natural difference between speaking speed and listening speed. The average speaking speed is about 150 words per minute; listening capacity is about 500 words a minute. While listening to a speaker, the mind has excess time and is likely to wander off if we’re not watchful. We can learn to keep our mind usefully occupied in reviewing the talk and connecting the various ideas that are put across by the speaker.
Planning to present a good argument
Trying to plan a good answer is a nice distraction while we listen. If the speaker makes a controversial statement which conflicts with our views, we may get excited and engaged in mental argument. In preparing an argument, or a question to ask, we might miss the rest of the speech.
Lack of interest
Not being interested in the topic might make we reject the speaker of the subject as dull or boring. Such an attitude to the speaker arises from narrow interests and a closed mind. Very often, uninteresting speakers communicate useful information and ideas, while interesting and amusing speakers may have very little useful matter. Pretending to be attentive is usually not possible as body language will show the boredom.
Avoiding the effort to understand what is difficult
This makes the listener switch off attention; if this becomes a habit, it makes the mind more and more lazy. If we are in the habit of avoiding discussion programs on the TV, we might be on the path of mental decay. A little daily effort to follow a serious discussion on radio or TV is useful for improving listening ability.
Tendency to criticize
Criticizing the speaker’s appearance, manner, voice, and so on, is another cause of poor listening. No doubt, style adds to the effectiveness of speech; but the content is always more important than the appearance or style of the speaker.
Emotional blocks
Most people have “deaf spots”; this is a tendency not to catch certain ideas. This defect can prevent a person from taking in and retaining certain ideas. Some people find it difficult to listen to figures or descriptions of surgical operations or stories of horror. A deep seated inability to endure going through something which we find painful causes us to block it out of our mind.Another type of deaf spot is the inability to face an idea that goes against a prejudice or an opinion that we have held for a long time. We may hear it wrongly or it may get distorted in our mind if we do not pay careful attention.
Emotional excitement
We may get disturbed by the speaker’s use of certain words. Words and phrases acquire different meanings and connotations in different cultures; a perfectly good word may appear loaded with prejudice or ill – feeling to a person from another culture. Feeling angry in the name of gender bias, or racial prejudice, or some other cause, may bar we from giving attention to the speaker. It is important to guard against getting upset by words which may have been used innocently by the speaker.
Impatience
We often have no patience to wait until another has finished speaking. We want to answer or add our own points to the discussion, or narrate our own experience. There is nothing more boring than a dialogue in which one party is constantly using his/her own frame of reference, talking about one’s own experiences, narrating one’s own anecdotes, fancies and imposing one’s own frame of reference on what the speaker is saying. This competitive desire to talk indicates lack of maturity.
Poor health
No doubt, any physical pain demands all our attention in coping with it, and we cannot be expected to pay attention to work. But besides pain, poor state of general health makes a person impatient, inattentive and unable to concentrate; it impairs listening ability.
Excessive note taking
Trying to take down extensive notes is a sure way to disturb our listening and to miss some points. No matter how fast we write, we cannot write as fast as the words are spoken unless we write shorthand very well. Cultivate the art of taking notes and limit it to writing down the general ideas.
Noise
If there is noise in the environment, it makes hearing difficult and distracts attention. Noise disturbs listening and frustrates the speaker. One can avoid it by insisting on discipline.
Going off on objects
Again, this gives the message that we really don’t think what they are saying is important enough to listen.
Competition
Entering every discussion with the mind set that we must win, no matter what. We’re too busy plotting our next move to really pay attention to what the other is saying.
Defensiveness
Jumping to the conclusion that we are being blamed or criticized, and responding defensively. This makes it difficult for others to talk with we about anything important.
2. Suggest methods, tips, techniques to improve listening skills.
Improving our listening is largely a matter of mental conditioning – of concentrating on the activity of sensing. We have to want to improve it, for listening is a willful act. If we are like most of us, we are often tempted not to listen. Once we’ve decided that we would like to listen, we must make an effort to pay attention. How we do this depends on our mental makeup, for the effort requires disciplining the mind. We must force ourself to be alert, to pay attention to the word spoken. In addition to working on the improvement of our sensing, we should work on the accuracy of our filtering. To do this, we will need to think in terms of what words mean to the speakers that use them rather than what the dictionary says or what we think the word means in our mind. We must try to think as the speaker thinks – judging the speaker’s words by the speaker’s knowledge, experiences, view points and such. Like improving our sensing, improving our filtering (give meaning to incoming message) requires conscious effort.Certainly, there are limits to what the mind can retain, but authorities agree that few of us come close to them. By taking care to hear what is said, and by working to make our filtering process give we more accurate meanings to the words we hear, we add strength to the message we receive. The results should be improved retention.In addition to the foregoing advice, various practical steps may prove helpful. Assembled in a classic document titled, “The Ten Commandments of Listening”, the following list summarizes the most useful of them:
1. Stop talking
Unfortunately, most of us prefer talking to listening. Even when we are not talking, we are inclined to concentrate on what to say next rather than on listening to others. So we must stop talking before we can listen.
2. Put the talker at ease
If we make the talker feel at ease, he/ she will do a better job of talking. Then we will have better input to work with.
3. Show the talker we want to listen
If we can convince the talker that we are listening to understand rather than oppose, we will help create a climate for information exchange. We should look and act interested. Doing things like reading, looking at our watch and looking away distracts the talker.
4. Remove distractions
The things we do also can distract the talker. So don’t doodle, tap with our pencil, shuffle papers or the like.
5. Empathize with the talker
If we place ourself in the talker’s position and look at things from the talker’s point of view, we will help create a climate of understanding that can result in a true exchange of information.
6. Be patient
We will need to allow the talker plenty of time. Remember that not everyone can get to the point as quickly and clearly as we. And do not interrupt. Interruptions are barriers to the exchange of information.
7. Hold our temper
From our knowledge of the workings of our minds, we know that anger impedes communication. Angry people built walls between each other. They harden their positions and block their minds to the words of others.
8. Go easy on argument and criticism
Argument and criticism tend to put the talker on the defensive. He /she tends to “clam up” or get angry. Thus, even if we win the argument, we lose. Rarely does either party benefit from argument and criticism.
9. Ask questions
By frequently asking questions, we display an open mind and show that we are listening and we assist the talker in developing his/ her message and in improving the correctness of meaning.
10. Stop talking!!
The last commandment is to stop talking. It was also the first. All the other commandments depend on it.From the preceding review, it should be clear that to improve our listening ability, we must set our mind to the task. Poor listening habits are ingrained in us and it is up to us to improve our listening skills to become successful and respected – as individuals and as managers.
When listening is mentioned, we think primarily of the act of sensing sounds. In human communication, of course, the sounds are mainly spoken words.How well we sense the words around us is determined by 2 factors. One factor is our ability to sense sounds – how well our ears can pick them up. The other factor is our attentiveness to listening. Most specifically, this is our mental concentration – our will to listen.
Barriers to effective listening
We do not receive specific training in listening and do not fully realize the significance of the act of listening; when someone is distracted we tend to say, “Will you stop talking….” when we ought to say, “Will you please listen…..” There are many reasons why people’s abilities to listen are not as good as it should be. Some persons are self – centered and want others to listen to them but are not willing to listen to what others have to say while others listen selectively and listen only to what interests them.
Some of the barriers to effective listening are:
Distraction in one’s own mind
This is a great barrier to listening and must be firmly checked. If we allow our mind to go on a joyride, there’ll be more listening. It takes a great deal of self control and discipline to stay tuned to another person. However, if our mind is occupied by personal anxiety or worry, it is better to postpone or delegate the listening responsibility for the time being.
Wandering attention
It arises from the natural difference between speaking speed and listening speed. The average speaking speed is about 150 words per minute; listening capacity is about 500 words a minute. While listening to a speaker, the mind has excess time and is likely to wander off if we’re not watchful. We can learn to keep our mind usefully occupied in reviewing the talk and connecting the various ideas that are put across by the speaker.
Planning to present a good argument
Trying to plan a good answer is a nice distraction while we listen. If the speaker makes a controversial statement which conflicts with our views, we may get excited and engaged in mental argument. In preparing an argument, or a question to ask, we might miss the rest of the speech.
Lack of interest
Not being interested in the topic might make we reject the speaker of the subject as dull or boring. Such an attitude to the speaker arises from narrow interests and a closed mind. Very often, uninteresting speakers communicate useful information and ideas, while interesting and amusing speakers may have very little useful matter. Pretending to be attentive is usually not possible as body language will show the boredom.
Avoiding the effort to understand what is difficult
This makes the listener switch off attention; if this becomes a habit, it makes the mind more and more lazy. If we are in the habit of avoiding discussion programs on the TV, we might be on the path of mental decay. A little daily effort to follow a serious discussion on radio or TV is useful for improving listening ability.
Tendency to criticize
Criticizing the speaker’s appearance, manner, voice, and so on, is another cause of poor listening. No doubt, style adds to the effectiveness of speech; but the content is always more important than the appearance or style of the speaker.
Emotional blocks
Most people have “deaf spots”; this is a tendency not to catch certain ideas. This defect can prevent a person from taking in and retaining certain ideas. Some people find it difficult to listen to figures or descriptions of surgical operations or stories of horror. A deep seated inability to endure going through something which we find painful causes us to block it out of our mind.Another type of deaf spot is the inability to face an idea that goes against a prejudice or an opinion that we have held for a long time. We may hear it wrongly or it may get distorted in our mind if we do not pay careful attention.
Emotional excitement
We may get disturbed by the speaker’s use of certain words. Words and phrases acquire different meanings and connotations in different cultures; a perfectly good word may appear loaded with prejudice or ill – feeling to a person from another culture. Feeling angry in the name of gender bias, or racial prejudice, or some other cause, may bar we from giving attention to the speaker. It is important to guard against getting upset by words which may have been used innocently by the speaker.
Impatience
We often have no patience to wait until another has finished speaking. We want to answer or add our own points to the discussion, or narrate our own experience. There is nothing more boring than a dialogue in which one party is constantly using his/her own frame of reference, talking about one’s own experiences, narrating one’s own anecdotes, fancies and imposing one’s own frame of reference on what the speaker is saying. This competitive desire to talk indicates lack of maturity.
Poor health
No doubt, any physical pain demands all our attention in coping with it, and we cannot be expected to pay attention to work. But besides pain, poor state of general health makes a person impatient, inattentive and unable to concentrate; it impairs listening ability.
Excessive note taking
Trying to take down extensive notes is a sure way to disturb our listening and to miss some points. No matter how fast we write, we cannot write as fast as the words are spoken unless we write shorthand very well. Cultivate the art of taking notes and limit it to writing down the general ideas.
Noise
If there is noise in the environment, it makes hearing difficult and distracts attention. Noise disturbs listening and frustrates the speaker. One can avoid it by insisting on discipline.
Going off on objects
Again, this gives the message that we really don’t think what they are saying is important enough to listen.
Competition
Entering every discussion with the mind set that we must win, no matter what. We’re too busy plotting our next move to really pay attention to what the other is saying.
Defensiveness
Jumping to the conclusion that we are being blamed or criticized, and responding defensively. This makes it difficult for others to talk with we about anything important.
2. Suggest methods, tips, techniques to improve listening skills.
Improving our listening is largely a matter of mental conditioning – of concentrating on the activity of sensing. We have to want to improve it, for listening is a willful act. If we are like most of us, we are often tempted not to listen. Once we’ve decided that we would like to listen, we must make an effort to pay attention. How we do this depends on our mental makeup, for the effort requires disciplining the mind. We must force ourself to be alert, to pay attention to the word spoken. In addition to working on the improvement of our sensing, we should work on the accuracy of our filtering. To do this, we will need to think in terms of what words mean to the speakers that use them rather than what the dictionary says or what we think the word means in our mind. We must try to think as the speaker thinks – judging the speaker’s words by the speaker’s knowledge, experiences, view points and such. Like improving our sensing, improving our filtering (give meaning to incoming message) requires conscious effort.Certainly, there are limits to what the mind can retain, but authorities agree that few of us come close to them. By taking care to hear what is said, and by working to make our filtering process give we more accurate meanings to the words we hear, we add strength to the message we receive. The results should be improved retention.In addition to the foregoing advice, various practical steps may prove helpful. Assembled in a classic document titled, “The Ten Commandments of Listening”, the following list summarizes the most useful of them:
1. Stop talking
Unfortunately, most of us prefer talking to listening. Even when we are not talking, we are inclined to concentrate on what to say next rather than on listening to others. So we must stop talking before we can listen.
2. Put the talker at ease
If we make the talker feel at ease, he/ she will do a better job of talking. Then we will have better input to work with.
3. Show the talker we want to listen
If we can convince the talker that we are listening to understand rather than oppose, we will help create a climate for information exchange. We should look and act interested. Doing things like reading, looking at our watch and looking away distracts the talker.
4. Remove distractions
The things we do also can distract the talker. So don’t doodle, tap with our pencil, shuffle papers or the like.
5. Empathize with the talker
If we place ourself in the talker’s position and look at things from the talker’s point of view, we will help create a climate of understanding that can result in a true exchange of information.
6. Be patient
We will need to allow the talker plenty of time. Remember that not everyone can get to the point as quickly and clearly as we. And do not interrupt. Interruptions are barriers to the exchange of information.
7. Hold our temper
From our knowledge of the workings of our minds, we know that anger impedes communication. Angry people built walls between each other. They harden their positions and block their minds to the words of others.
8. Go easy on argument and criticism
Argument and criticism tend to put the talker on the defensive. He /she tends to “clam up” or get angry. Thus, even if we win the argument, we lose. Rarely does either party benefit from argument and criticism.
9. Ask questions
By frequently asking questions, we display an open mind and show that we are listening and we assist the talker in developing his/ her message and in improving the correctness of meaning.
10. Stop talking!!
The last commandment is to stop talking. It was also the first. All the other commandments depend on it.From the preceding review, it should be clear that to improve our listening ability, we must set our mind to the task. Poor listening habits are ingrained in us and it is up to us to improve our listening skills to become successful and respected – as individuals and as managers.
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